Understand Yourself, Understand Your Partner: The Essential Enneagram Guide to a Better Relationship

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Different aspects of self emerge to meet the needs of others. A self for the team, a self for the boss, many selves for private life. At its best, this giving is altruistic and generous. As a defensive gesture, giving is geared to getting something in return. Self-presentation alters to meet the needs of others. This way of paying attention can lead to:. Three The Performer. Winning love through achievement and image. Doing things with the family. High-powered and high-profile at work. Sensitive to status.

Wanting to be first, to lead, to be seen. Emanating an impressive facade. Work is the area of interest; feelings are suspended while the job gets done.

Learn your Enneagram Type in Less Than 5 Minutes!

At its best, the performance orientation produces effective leadership. As a means of defense, image is tailored to bolster personal success. Four The Romantic. Longing for love at a distance, feeling disappointed when love is near at hand. We had it once. Where did it go? Lifelong searching for heart connection; attraction, hate, high drama, pain.

Elegant lifestyles, unique presentation, a distinctive career, creative business views. At its best, the passionate quest leads to depth of feeling. As a posture, dramatic moods make Fours too precious for ordinary life. Amping up ordinary life through loss, fantasy, artistic connection, and dramatic acts. Drama kings and queens. Push-pull relationships.

How the Enneagram System Works

Wanting the best of what is missing. This alternating focus reinforces:. Five The Observer. Detached from love and charged emotion. Needing privacy to discover what they feel.

The Enneagram: A Guide to Understanding Yourself and The People Around You | HuffPost Life

Fives like protected work environments, no interruptions, limited windows of contact, and agendas announced in advance. At its best, the detached stance produces reliable, clear-minded analysis. As a psychological strategy, detachment minimizes contact. Keeping the departments of life separate from each other. Predetermined time slots for emotionally charged events. The power of knowing.

Analytic systems and special information. Wanting the keys to the way the world works. Figuring out feelings. Watching life from the point of view of an outside observer. Six The Trooper. Questioning love and a rosy future.


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Afraid to believe and be betrayed. Do you still want me? Will my work flourish?

Is this certain? Should I doubt? Loyal in love, Troopers turn to their intimates for reassurance. Mistrusting authority, they ask hard questions at work. Well used, a questioning mind produces clarity of purpose. As a life stance, inner doubt interferes with progress. Seven The Epicure.

Entitled to love and to be well regarded.

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Expecting projects to come out right. Love and work should be adventures. Wanting to lead a fabulous life. The best part of love is initial attraction. The best part of work is a brilliant idea. Brainstorming, planning, opening options. A positive future, an exciting career. At its best, the adventurous approach conveys its enthusiasm to others. As a self-serving tactic, the attraction to pleasure is a way to escape from pain.

Maintaining multiple options.

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Hedging commitment to a single course of action. Fearing limitation. Replacing deep or painful feelings with a pleasant alternative. Escaping to mental pleasure. Talking, planning, and intellectualizing. Charm as a first line of defense. Fearing types who move forward into friendly contact with people. Avoiding conflict by going through the cracks. A way of paying attention that relates and systematizes information so that commitments come with loopholes and options. This style of attention can lead to:. The ability to find connections, parallels, and unusual fits.

A talent for nonlinear synthesis of information. Eight The Boss.

Healthy Relationships with Type 7

Expressing love through protection and power. Liking the truth that comes out in a fight. Pushing for contact. At ease with anger.